The Critical Mass

I’m more popular than Bob Dylan

I’m really excited. Bob Dylan wants to be my friend.

He came looking for me under “Friend Requests” on Facebook. And immediately I thought, Why does Bob Dylan need to be friends with me?  Interestingly, we have seven mutal friends. I click on Bob’s profile (Yes, we’re already on a first-name basis). Hmmmm…. he only has 743 friends. That’s odd. I have 1,004. How can I be more popular than Bob Dylan? Bob has posted only seven photos. I have 319. Perhaps Bob doesn’t spend a lot of time on Facebook. 

His Facebook bio says he was born May 24, 1947, is from Hibbing, Minn., graduated from Hibbing High School, class of 1959. Studied at the University of Minnesota, works for Sony and lives in Malibu, Calif. Claims to know English, Hebrew and Latin. Under religious views, he says he’s Jewish. Under political views, he claims to be Christian. Oh that Bob, always cryptic! He lists his inspirations as Woody Guthrie, Jesus Christ, Noam Chomsky, Blind Willie McTell and Skanderbeg. Yeah, I had to look up that last one as well. He’s an Albanian hero, a 15th-century lord, according to Wikipedia, “considered by many in western Europe to be a model of Christian resistance against the Ottoman Muslims. ”

Under music likes, I see Bob’s into Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, Robert Johnson, Rick Danko and Bessie Smith, among others. But Avril Lavigne? Plenty of favorite books, including the Guthrie bio Bound for Glory, some works on anarchism. Favorite movies – looks like Bob has a lot of idle time on the tour bus –  Metropolis, Che and Attack of the Killer Tomatos. TV? Bob watches Al Jazeera! Games? Bob plays Scrabble and Barbie: Game Girl. Interests include coffee, cigars, knickers, anarchy and  some Canadian political parties.  Bob also enjoys “Let’s Indict Tony Blair For War Crimes,” Charles Bukowski, the Firesign Theatre, the Albanian city of Tirana and Leonard Cohen’s Hat (the Canadian songwriter wears a small brim, wool-felt fedora called “The Melodrama.” Isn’t the Internet amazing?)

Maybe too amazing. I feel dizzy at the prospect of friending Bob Dylan. I click on “Not Now.”  But I’ll see you at your concert on Tuesday. Bob.

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